The triage exercise tonight got me thinking about a couple of things. Like, why Iím not as assertive as I should be. After the drill, I was self-critiquing and trying to figure out how we could have done better. I realized that I should have corrected my partner when I realized that he was on the wrong track instead of waiting for the instructor to prompt us tat we were doing I wrong. In the process I was asking myself.
Why didnít I say anything? Was I too worried about criticizing a guy who is old enough to be my father and who was a First Responder? Why do I keep my moth shut when I know what we need to do? Am I afraid that Iíll look like a smart mouth punk? Am I worried that Iíll be wrong and look stupid for making a suggestion?
Geez! I sometimes feel like Iím still a nerdy, awkward, teenager who isnít sure where they fit in. Thatís a little ridiculous I guess.
Itís not just tonight. I never know when to speak, when to shut up, or how to tell the difference. Iím the president of the board of directors where my wife works and I know all kinds of operational problems going on that need to be fixed and I donít say anything for fear of recrimination against her. I need to speak up though. The things going on are affecting the public image of the organization and if they arenít corrected, will seriously affect the way we can do business. I want to speak up, but this is a case of not knowing what to say. I hear things fro outside the company, but because of her job I worry that the management will just assume sheís telling me things. It is a rather strange position to be in since many board members donít have a clue whatíd going on. Iím tempted to step aside, but I know if I do, who ever takes over will do less than I am now.
Sometimes, lately, I just have no clue what Iím dong.
All right. Enough griping. Iím going to bed.